What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
