these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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