the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
