my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
