it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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