Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
