please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
