Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
