he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
