we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
