Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just pee around me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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