Girls should come with a carfax report
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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