Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
he was CRYING into my vagina
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
