i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I did not marry a roomba.
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