JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
