I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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