It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
