Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
