So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
