everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
