This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
