M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
