All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
