I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
