Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
