yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
