my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
