the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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