So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
