Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
