Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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