im drinking this country out of the recession.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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