Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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