WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
