Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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