is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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