whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
