He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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