wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
