Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
