i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
