My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
They have beer where we have blood.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
