I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Randomize
