I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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