i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
