So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
