...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
