I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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