Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
