WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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