he thought i was a dude.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
