You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I will pee on everything he values.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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