my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
