sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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