i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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